A permanent solution to a temporary problem...

The title of today's entry is what a friend of mine said when I shared the sad news I received yesterday.
My children's cousin committed suicide the night before last. He was really the nephew of my sister in law (my brother's wife)...but my brothers kids, him and his brothers and my kids all hung out together and thought of themselves as cousins...so as far as any of us were concerned that's what they were - cousins.
He was only 12 years old. He hung himself.
There are no words to describe the shock and the pain of this; although I can't help myself and feel that writing it out here may help.
I got the news yesterday morning and couldn't believe it. My 12 year old had just walked out of my line of vision as my mother was telling me this horrible news. I wanted to go run after him and hold him! My other two boys were standing there but didn't know what was going on because I wasn't really saying much of anything...
We (my husband and I) broke the news to them last night. That was even harder than the day we had to tell them Bob had cancer...and I had a very difficult time with that...this was a thousand times more horrendous to have to share. My 12 year old walked around for hours mumbling to himself, things like 'Why, I just don't understand.' I think we all feel that way. One of the twins cried and cried...and finally cried himself to sleep after several hours. The other twin hasn't said much of anything...although he did say that he was going to say a prayer that Jesus would take care of his cousin until we could all see him again.

That's my news...my emptying and sharing in a vain attempt to purge myself of this terrible ache and pit in both my heart and my stomach.
God's Peace E.J. You are loved and are missed!